Scars.

There are so many products out there that will take scars away. Mederma is probably the most famous. In 6 weeks it will minimize the appearance of the scar tissue. It won’t be so obvious. I kind of have a different take on my scars. I have many. The most obvious is on my face. Its been there since I was 3. I fell on a glass table. Dumb, I know, but what can I say I was 3, didn’t listen to my mom and I’ve had this reminder there for the rest of my life. The moral of the story could be to listen to your parents but it’s not! I have a scar on my left calf from chicken pox. Nothing I could really learn from that other than I guess I’m glad I got it early in life. Maybe that’s all I could learn. Then there are scars on my shins from climbing on a roof to watch fireworks in a skirt. Now again this is a dumb idea. But I love the memories. I love that I didn’t say no. I said yes to the adventure. I said yes! I said I’m not going to be scared of falling of this roof…which was a very possible ending. The ladder didn’t quite reach the roof. Now that would have been really really really funny but super embarrassing. I see the scars whenever I wear skirts. It reminds me of that night.

So in theory my scars are my memories. I don’t think I would forget that night but for some reason the scars remind me of the feelings I had. It reminds me of the hope I had. Even though none of my ‘hopes’ happened I remember feeling alive. Not questioning just going with it. That was last 4th of July and probably the beginning of my new thought process. This 4th of July I find myself still in this transition. I haven’t fully adopted this new process but I’m trying harder than ever. I’m starting to live my life. Not waiting. Asking myself more ‘what if’s’ and not uttering so many ‘i can’ts’ Like what if I let go of my fears and say what I feel. What if I was honest with myself and allowed myself to feel ok with my place right now. What if I let go of my insecurities and accepted compliments. Just what kind of life would I live?!?!

I believe we all get caught up in this world of reasons why we can’t do something. Why we can tell people things. Why we can’t be completely honest. Because as people we want to be accepted not rejected. But if the worst thing they say is no then oh well they say no. So again what if I just let go and become who I’m supposed to be?

So today my scars are reminding me that I said yes to climbing on that roof ( even with my fears of falling off, looking like an idiot, and fears of cutting my legs up) and my life began to change. Slowly but surely my life is changing.

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