I’ve been a bad blogger lately. It has been a while since my last post and it’s not like I haven’t sat down and tried…but I couldn’t say what I needed to. My words have been stuck. I’m not even sure what I’ve been feeling lately. The weirdest mix of emotions. There comes those times and days in your life when you realize that you’ve got to just accept that not everyone will care. I’ve had to accept that no matter how nice I can be or how much I give it’ll never be enough for some people. That’s ok. I have to take responsibility for my actions and my feelings. I can’t make people care and my fear of rejection/loss is crippling me.
I truly have so much to be thankful for that I can’t let these little set backs break me. I’ve been through too much to fall now. I know I’ve talked about the author Shauna Niequist before but her books give me a refreshing take so many times. Perfection is not my goal. I’ll never be perfect and I’m thankful for that. She’s taught me that when things are bitter and not going well say thank you and grow because you can always learn. When things are good say thank you and celebrate. So here’s to more celebrations and more growing!
The rest of the year is going to be my time to work on me. To be a better me and a less stressed me. A happy me.
So I get inspired easily. I like to think of ways to do things myself…and I love the internet as a way to find these things. As you know my dear friend Alyssa is getting married soon. I want her to have the most amazing bridal shower that I can throw. Mainly because I like to plan and I like to make things as personal as possible. I’m not sure I’m a fan of cookie cutter weddings, I like them to represent the couple. So I want the shower to be themed like the couple and the decorations to be hand made not store bought if possible. Now this is a big undertaking since I’ve learned I’m a little bit of a control freak and have decided to do a lot of the stuff myself. With that being said I’ve designed the invites and other goodies (just need to get them printed but I’ve never done that at kinko’s so this should be interesting), found a great idea for different decorations and there are so many food options. I just love being this creative. I love the idea that I’m creating something that she will appreciate. The other bridesmaids are amazing and I love bouncing ideas off of each other. I always get nervous giving my ideas or showing them my designs. I sometimes doubt my ability to make something good SO it was a huge confidence booster to hear they loved my ideas.
I think party planning for someone you truly care about is so much fun. All this has me thinking about my dad’s retirement party. He is planning on retiring early next year and I couldn’t be more excited for him. He has worked hard for so long that he deserves a huge party and that is what I plan on giving him. I want it to be a time when he realizes how much he is appreciate by EVERYONE. So all this creativeness is taking up my time and I LOVE IT.
This by far is one of my favorite songs lately. I hate goodbyes but things don’t always work out like we hope…it’s been some months but I feel like this song describes everything I felt perfectly.
I feel like this blog has become a learning experience for me…whether it’s about my age, my career choice or my life in general. I can post links to websites I like, articles I found helpful or random songs that inspire me. This song in general is personal. I don’t know what the future holds but I choose to believe it is good. And I choose to believe that living in fear will cripple me. Yesterday was a huge step for me in conquering my fear and I’m very very blessed to have the people in my life that I do. They constantly support me even if what I’m feeling hurts them and they can’t help. I know they are there and in the end that matters!
This week has been insane busy. Working 12 and 14 hour days, but totally worth it. What I’ve learned is that God puts people, places and jobs in our life when we need them. Truthfully if I had worked in any other library than TCA with any other librarian than Emily I would never want to be a librarian. I am not a stats and paperwork type of librarian. I am a service librarian. I like to help. I see where I was put in this position for a reason. So now I’m working on my patience for my opportunities to come.
Patience is a huge problem for me. I want things right now. I don’t want to wait. I hate not knowing. It’s a horrible thing because I give up on certain things or people because they don’t work on my timeline. So I think that is what I will be working on next in my life. I feel that I’m changing a lot about myself. But they are things I want to change not because someone else told me I need to change. They will lead to a lot less stress in my life as well.
Lastly no Friday post! I will starting my weekend early and laying by the pool Friday morning/afternoon before heading back to home sweet Kentucky for a weekend of family and close friends!