I only have a few more days of 24 left. It seems kinda weird because I love birthdays (especially mine ha) and I haven’t made huge plans. It doesn’t really seem like it’s time for my birthday to be here. Not sure why that is happening. Maybe it’s part of growing up. Maybe one year my birthday will become just another day. BUT not this year. I think 25 is an important age. I think it’s a pivotal age because I have set some certain goals. Most important I learned a lot in my 24th year in this world. Here is just a couple and what they’ve meant to me.
-Moving to Indianapolis
I decided right before my 24th birthday that it was time to make a move. That it was time to change what I wasn’t happy about. I thought it was where I was living and what job I held. I thought that all I needed was to move to Indianapolis and live with one of my best friends. That a job would fall into my lap and I would live happily ever after. That’s not exactly how it happened but the move was a great idea for me. I spent my last couple months in Lexington enjoying the city (that I now consider to be my home base along with Mt. Washington). With the move I realized that distance is what I needed but it didn’t change how I felt. That the things inside of me didn’t change that I’m still the same girl. So those things I was unhappy with I still had to work through.
-Learning to live a life alone (not in a negative way)
Since moving to Indianapolis I have truly had to learn to be happy and capable of being alone. My work schedule is opposite of most of my friends so I spend a lot of my mornings by myself. And other circumstances have reminded me that being truly happy means you can be at peace with yourself. I’m still learning that one but this past year has given me the opportunity to take great strides in this area of my life. I don’t always have to be around people. I do things that matter to me and I’m ok with that.
-Just because you have a disagreement doesn’t mean it has to end.
I’m really really really bad about holding things in and not letting people know they’ve hurt me. I’ve learned that an open and honest friendship requires that sometimes awkward moments have to happen. That we have to get into tiffs and we have to tell people what we are feeling. But we also have to accept others opinions and our lives. That just because we might not agree doesn’t mean we can’t still be what we were. It takes both parties to make an effort. This lesson has been the biggest thing overshadowing my 24th year. I have confidence in my relationships and know that I have surrounded myself great people.
-Celebrating my sister’s engagement
So my sister got engaged. That’s big news. They’ve been together for about 6 years. I’m super happy for her and already feel like her fiancee and his son are part of the family. It’s just going to be official now!
-Celebrating Alyssa’s engagement
Then one of my very best friends got engaged. Bittersweet for me because it means she will be moving away but I’m just being selfish. I’m beyond happy for her. She deserves the very best in the world. This past year has been a lot of planning and talking and venting for us two. We’re closer than we’ve ever been and I’m so very thankful for her presence this past year. She has helped me become a better version of myself. This was a huge moment this year because she is one of my first friends that I’ve been actively involved in helping her plan. It has made me realize more about growing up and where my life is headed and what I want. This past weekend we actually had her bridal shower and bachelorette party. I loved every minute of it and making her feel as special as she should feel.
-Understanding the concept of grace
This has been an ongoing thing in my life. And I’ve needed grace more than ever this past year. From many many people. I have found myself not being the best version of myself many times. But again I’m surrounded by some amazing people in my life. Who have shown me grace and love beyond my understanding. Also, understanding why grace is there in my life. I’ve learned to not be so scared of things. To do things for myself. To not worry about what others might think about me. To get a tattoo if I want one. To look at myself and say it’s ok to mess up. Grace is there for these moments. Being scared, worried and stressed all the time won’t get you anywhere. It’s ok to have freak out moments but living REAL living requires you to take chances. I am now taking chances that are good for me. Taking chances in telling people that they mean more to me than they realized. Taking chances with my heart and realizing that what is meant to be will be. This has probably been my most favorite thing I’ve learned/gained in my 24th year.
-Sometimes the moments you expect to be the biggest aren’t.
So I’m a typical girl. Sometimes I think that the BIG moments are going to happen. The moment the guy of your dreams tells you he’s loved you from the beginning BUT that only happens in movies. Sometimes these moments are small ones. Small ones when someone tells you that you’re beautiful. That they like you the way you are. Those moments that build your confidence. That looking for these small moments everyday. That there is something special in everyday. Maybe one day a BIG moment will happen but I can’t control that. I can’t control who loves me or not. All I can do is be me. This is still hard for me because I want nothing more than for people to like me. But I learned this past year that sometimes it’s better to let go and let be. That small moments are bigger than big moments.
-That I’m stronger than I’ve ever given myself credit for in my life.
I took on a big move with no job. I started a job thinking it would only be temporary only to find that I loved it. I had no idea HOW much my life would change. I’ve started a totally different career path, even when people told me I was wrong to do so. I fought with one of my best friends for the first time ever only to see our friendship strive and take on a new form. I’ve learned that making mistakes isn’t the worst thing ever. I’ve realized that my family is proud of me no matter what and will support me. That I can make it through moving, not having a job, getting only a part time job, redefining my career, holding onto friendships, having my heart broken into a million pieces, following my heart instead of my head and moving out of the shadow of fear and worry. I’ve made it through and feel stronger than ever. Feel that I’m a becoming a better version of me. And even in this last week of being 24 I’ve had another wake up call. That I can’t relax in bettering myself. That I’m strong enough to make the changes necessary.
With what I’ve learned I decided to make a list of things I want to do to start my 25th year. My quarter century. My ‘quarter life crisis year’ (yes I plan on living to 100…duh)
-Stop worrying about people leaving my life.
If people want to leave I’m going to let them. I’m not going to hold on and wonder what I did wrong. It’s pointless. It hurts but re-hashing what could have went different hurts more.
-Telling those important people in my life thank you and I love you more often.
There are some people in my life that make me a better person. Like really help me strive to be the best version of myself. I want to make sure they know how important they are to me and what they mean. And often. I know I’m extremely blessed to have them in my life and they should know it!
-Accepting grace, and being ok with it
I’m bad about accepting grace from people. It goes along with the next point as well.
-Eliminating the word ‘perfect’ from my vocabulary
I try to be perfect. It’s a fault of mine. In my own mind I’ll never be pretty enough, smart enough, worthy enough (I’m being super vulnerable here) skinny enough. I’ll never be perfect. I have no idea where this notion that I need to be perfect came from but it’s been crippling. So I’m starting off 25 by not being perfect and not striving for it. I am who I am. Not that I’m not going to be great but I’m not going to be so hard on myself. And not striving for perfection. It’s not possible. I am learning to accept myself for who I am and be ok with it. Because I am good enough.
-Accepting love from people.
Lastly, I need to accept that some people love me. That I don’t need to necessarily earn their love. And the best quote I heard about this is if they really love you really nothing you can say will make them go away right then. So I need to lose my fear of love and being hurt. AND I’m allowing myself to love back.
So I think the quote of year 25 will be ‘If it’s meant to be it’ll happen’ and I think it’ll be a good year 🙂