When creating my goals I said I wanted to read more and to grow in my spiritual life. Slowly I’m figuring out how to do both of these with everything else that is going on in my life. My first plan of attack, that I’m still working on truthfully, is I’m going to bed a little earlier so I can get up earlier. I want to get into the gym earlier, then spend my time between waking up and work studying and preparing. I’ve also started leaving my tv in my room off. I’m finding myself sleeping a little better and actually spending my time before sleep praying and reading.
On recommendation I’m reading “A Million Miles in A Thousand Years” by Donald Miller. So far I’m liking it and I find myself laughing. Today though I was waiting on my phone to be fixed I had read all my articles for class, in two weeks which means I’m actually ahead of schedule so far!, so I decided to read some more of this book. He’s is talking about people have “inciting incidents” in their lives. The incidents that move them to action, an incident happens that changes your life and there is nothing you can do about it. In this particular excerpt he is talking about his inciting incident:
“It’s true that while ambition creates fear, it also creates the story. But it’s a good trade, because as soon as you point toward a horizon, life no longer feels meaningless. And suddenly there is risk in your story and a question about whether you’ll make it. you have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I’d be lying if I said it was all fun. I definitely lost a few hours of sleep imagining myself collapsing on the Inca Trail, but it beat eating ice cream and watching television. I was doing something in real life. I’d stood up and pointed toward a horizon, and now I had to move, whether I wanted to or not.”
Today this really touched me. I feel that recently I’ve found some ambition. I’m not sure I’ve had my inciting incident but I know that I’m pointing toward a horizon now. I’ve had some changes that I’m happy about, moves that I’m nervous about and just generally trying to over come this fear. I’m finding my faith again. I’ve talked about trusting in his plan and KNOWING that his timing is perfect. I find myself praying for specific things these days. I’m scared of having a broken heart but this book is reminding me that a life with a story has it’s up and downs. We don’t have answers as to why bad things happen but I know that God has a story to tell through me. And sometimes when I do not have the words to say, which is why I haven’t written all week, I force myself to figure out what is going on…and i make myself sit down and write.
Today I’m choosing to be present with these feelings instead of pushing them away. I’m hoping answers come soon but if they don’t I’ll be ok. I know there is a purpose and I was created to be great.