#40!

So I’ve been staring at this computer screen for about 30 mins. waiting for this post to type itself. It hasn’t happened. I know what I want to do, what I want to write and I’m being careful to write it delicately. This is my 40th post. I want to celebrate reaching #40. So I’m going to do a list of things I’ve learned about life while writing this blog. It probably won’t be 40 mainly because I can’t remember that many things. Some will be funny, some will be random and some will be honest (bare my soul honest, like scary honest)

Here we go:

1. I’ve start blogs before but never have I kept with it. Not sure what about this one is different but I’ve been determined to write. No matter how small or ridiculous I just wanted to write. I wanted to give my friends a glimpse into what’s going on even if we aren’t near each other. So to reach 40 post is a milestone. Truthfully it doesn’t matter how many hits the blog gets. If one person can be encouraged and not feel alone that’s the goal.

2. “failure is not always failing” boy oh boy does this resonate. I am terrified of failure but sometimes our greatest accomplishments come out of our perceived failures. I have failed at a lot this year I think BUT I am stronger than I’ve been in a while. My heart is open. My faith is stronger. My belief in the good in the world continues to stand.

3. I’m tired of being alone. Simple as that. That hurts to admit.

4. I will argue I have some of the best friends around. They stand behind me, support me, cry with me, laugh with me, build me up and will even correct me when I’m wrong. Thank you. When you surround yourself with good people it’s easier to see through the bad times.

5. As for bad times. Life is messy. It’ll never be perfect and when I think it is perfect something knocks me right back down. But that is what hope is for. Hope that things will ok. To enjoy the journey because truthfully it could be worse. And maybe just maybe that bad time, heartbreak, messy end to a friendship leads to something so beautiful, a greater appreciation for life.

6. Weddings are expensive, but fun. That goes out to you Alyssa!

7. Awkward moments happen to me. It’s funny. I have to laugh. It doesn’t always have to be so serious.

8. I’ve learned I add too much un-needed stress to my life. I worry about worry about worry and then I worry if people are going to be unhappy about the decisions I make. I can’t please everyone and I’m truly sorry if you are someone I have made unhappy, I’m trying my best here.

9. Bad Santa Christmas parties are hilarious. Again, I love my friends.

10. Really I haven’t learned this recently just reaffirmed it. I love cooking and baking. Seriously.

11. I’ve learned making news years resolutions aren’t a bad idea. That I can accomplish what I set my mind too.

12. Fear of life. Fear of failing. Fear of being told no. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of a lot of stuff is a crushing thing. Sometimes. Most times its best to let go of fear.

13. Say what you mean and don’t be sorry for it. I am learning that I am a good person and worthy, contrary to what a couple foolish people have told me recently. That I can say what I need to, and those that love me will accept it. That telling someone what you feel, even if it breaks your heart is still the best medicine.

14. That perfect doesn’t exist.

15. I like living a healthier life but for too long I’ve let numbers, sizes and weights define me.

16. Grad school is lots of work. And it’s annoying.

17. Lexington, Oh Lexington how I love that city. It has brought joy, heartache, lots of lessons, and great friends. It’s a place I like to call home.

18. Honesty is the best policy. Sometimes it hurts but it’s good.

19. I love to write. I’m not great at it but I love it. Something about getting my feelings/words out of my brain is soothing. I over think things. badly. Writing it out makes me see those things.

20. At 25 I’ve started to discover what my faith means to me. What I believe. I’m discovering for myself instead of just relying what people tell me to believe. All I know is God’s will is perfect. His plan is perfect. He loves me. And He isn’t going to make my life perfect but He gives me the peace and endurance to deal with the trials. And today of all days that’s enough for me.

21. I am good enough. I am worthy enough.

22. Lastly. Smiling is the best gift to others and to yourself. I’ve smiled my way through a difficult day and I feel hopeful, not necessarily that things will work out how I want them to but that I will make it through anything. And sometimes a simple smile is all someone else needs to realize that it’s going to be ok for them too.

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