well to put it nicely this past weekend was one of the toughest I’ve had in a while. just a lot of unexpected twist that I’ve learned to deal with…I guess. What I do know is I’m bad at hiding my emotions or hurts. I’ve had a lot of people come up to me these past two days and say they can tell I’m down. Which leads to questions I do not want to answer so I just say yeah I’m fine.
One thing that did happen this weekend that has kind of shaken me that I have not talked to anyone about was a dream I had. It was vivid, which happens to me sometimes but rarely do I remember them like this dream. The reason it matters so much is because my granddaddy was in the dream. Now my granddaddy is one of my favorite people … ever. I haven’t talked about him much on here because well I remember how much I miss him and how much I wish he could see me now. He was the kindest, most compassionate man ever. He set such a high example of what a man should be that I believe he’s given me the confidence to expect more. His smile could light my day up. He passed away 9 years ago and it kills me I can’t remember his voice. But I do remember his mannerism and I love that.
Back to the dream though, I dreamed I took a certain person, who recently hurt me, to my granddaddy’s house. I vividly remember my granddaddy hugging me. I remember feeling it was a little longer of a hug, like he lingered to let me know it was ok. That I was going to be fine. I remember his smile and his glasses.
I don’t believe the dream meant anything crazy, but I know he has been on my mind ever since. It’s not a bad thing because he inspires me to live a better life. Like he’s saying you’re loved. I think I feel more at peace because I remember his compassion and forgiveness. I’ve forgiven the person that hurt me. They didn’t do it on purpose but they knew what they were doing.
It’s all part of me letting these changes happen. Letting life happen. I need to stop fighting it because I can’t do anything to stop what is going to happen. I want to enjoy my life. I want to live like my granddaddy, I want to be remembered as a loving person. I want the positive to outweigh the negative.
I want to make this man proud: