I will be real honest here, I have been really bad about intentionally and thoughtfully studying my Bible lately. I find myself getting caught up and distracted and pulled away in a million directions when truly I have no job and have no reason to not sit down to read and study. Crazily enough I know how much better my moods, my heart, my spirit and my general attitude are when I am actively studying and searching. So the question is why doesn’t my brain turn to that in the first place? … I do not have an answer for that one right now. But this morning my decision was to get up. Turn on some music, sit at the counter to eat my breakfast and read. Take time to study. And it was good.

I need to reminded at times that it is ok to have weakness. That I cannot do everything. I am not able to be everything to everyone. I am good at what God made me good at and He will provide for those areas I am weak. When I have those days where I feel like everything is going wrong I need to start falling into His care, not my own mind, my friends or outside influences. Yes I know I will talk to them but I should start seeking Him more, for everything. These are simple yet sometimes hard things for me to do. I do not know why but I’m working and I think that is what He requires. He wants us to try. To ask for his help. To believe in his forgiveness.

I’m also reading this book, which I would recommend to everyone, Love Does by Bob Goff. I am truly thankful for this book because even though I know a lot of the things/verses/advice he talks about it’s nice to be reminded that someone I consider a great role model struggled too. I’m finding reassurance in that he has gone through it and made it out to be this person that I can too. That he has a kind spirit, a helpful spirit and a loving spirit and has accomplished great things. I want that. I never want my spirit or heart hardened by any circumstances I experience.

Recently I have experienced a situation that he describes so greatly in his book. I let a person/situation obscure my view from everything else. I let myself believe it was something I needed instead of just wanted. I could not see past it…at all. I’ll leave you with the passage….

“I’ve learned that God sometimes allows us to find ourselves in a place where we want something so bad that we can’t see past it. Sometimes we can’t even see God because of it. When we want something that bad, it’s easy to mistake what we truly need for the thing we really want. When this sort of thing happens, and it seems to happen to everyone, I’ve found it’s because what God has for us is obscured from view, just around another bend in the road. ……

It’s in my nature, maybe all of our natures, to try and engineer things. So I skew the answers to get what I think I want. But when I do that, I also get what I don’t want too, like a cot and a room full of guys. The first time I wanted someone to care for me as much as I cared for her, she picked someone else and I tried to talk her out of it. If I had been successful, I wouldn’t have experienced love in the unique way that I have. I wouldn’t have found who and what God tailed-made for me.”


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