Shew it’s been a while. A long while, over a year, way over a year. I have had a birthday so the title wasn’t even correct anymore. Why not change it 2 months before I turn 28, I thought turning 27 was scary, whoaaaaaa I have a feeling these next 2 months will be even scarier. Back to the main point, I’m sorry. So many times I’ve sat down to write and the words weren’t there or I wasn’t ready to put my feelings out there again. Let me give you a quick non-comprehensive run down of the past year and a half.
Let’s get the sad stuff out of the way first. In my last post I talked about losing my aunt, since then both of my grandma’s have passed away. It was a extremely tough 15 months. My heart was crushed. I also had to say goodbye to some people in my life. It’s never fun, it wasn’t dramatic but it needed to happen. Sometimes our hearts need space and my stubborn nature says I can put up with anything, I can do anything. Guess what? I can’t. It doesn’t make me weak, it makes me human. While sad, my heart is healing. I’m continuing to learn from my grandma’s and the lifetimes they lived. Graceful, meek & mild hearted, with a little bit of attitude.
On to happier things:
I’ve traveled with work quite a bit. Gotten to see some great places. November-December were a whirlwind to say the least last year. My grandmother passed away November 1st and I was due to fly to DC for work on the 5th. My amazing uncles knew it was important for me to be there but didn’t want me to miss any work trip so they agreed to have everything done Sunday and Monday. I drove back home Monday night around 9 and flew out at 6 am on Tuesday. I forgot to mention I had a pretty awesome sinus infection going on. Everything about that week was a blur. I just remember I kept telling myself to keep everything inside. The next week I was home for my birthday before flying to California for 8 days. A little bit of work on the beach, and an amazing 4 days with family in NoCal. Let me tell you all, you can’t sleep on a redeye. I don’t care what anyone says, sleep did not happen. The hours of 2 am-4 am on a cross country flight are brutal. Thanksgiving followed with my super awesome family then off to Boston for my last work trip. I haven’t spent much time in Boston but I will be putting that on my vacation list. 2 days were enough for me to know that it’s a place I want to be.
I joined a life group at my church! Best decision in a long time. These girls, they understand the struggles of being 27, unmarried, finding the balance of what you want your career to look like and how to get there. They don’t judge, they sit there and listen, pray with me, give me a Kleenex when the tears won’t stop falling. Multiple times they’ve given me a boost of confidence when the Devil tells me I’m not enough.
My two very best friends have gotten engaged and one is now married. I’ve never seen them happier, more at peace and I ABSOLUTELY love it. They inspire me.
I met a great guy. I’ve always wanted to be with someone who makes me want to be better. Right now, he’s that guy. He makes me think over my actions, makes me want to grow stronger in my faith, makes me think about my words and how I communicate my needs. It’s been about 2 months and I’m learning how many walls I had up, how tangled my heart was. I’m in the processing of untangling that mess. I’ve put my walls down and honestly I’m TERRIFIED. Vulnerability is not my strong suit. Being strong for so long has led me to only be dependent on myself, now I want to invite someone else into my life. I’m struggling with it a tiny bit. I’m just being honest. I’m being present. I’m becoming the woman I believe I was meant to be. I think this quote sums it up so perfect “When I first met you I never knew you would mean this much to me.” I’m thankful for him.
Over the past 3 months many people have commented on how I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. Truth is that I feel that, I can tell I’m more content. Life isn’t perfect, far from it, but it’s my life. I won’t compare it to anyone else’s, that’s a disservice to myself. This life is good, and meant to be lived. Not just lived but lived well and fully. That’s what I’m going for. That doesn’t mean it won’t be scary, or hard, or broken at times. It just means I am willing to have those things because the brighter, happy, fun days outnumber them immensely.
This brings me to today. I have no idea why the words decided to come out today. Why I sat down at my computer like so many times before and my fingers starting hitting the keys. It’s not eloquent and definitely not complete but hey it’s something.