The Beliefs I Hold

I have certain beliefs I hold on to in my life. Beliefs that have molded and shaped decisions I make, how I respond to people, and how I treat those around me. Beliefs that have come from years of work and just figuring out how I want to live my life and be remembered. I’m not perfect at living out these beliefs but I strive daily.
Things like I always believe you should say something even if it’s a simple I’m sorry or I don’t know what you’re going through but I’m here. I believe that when we show people we’re there for them, and really be there they know they’re not alone. Alone is a scary place to be in this world and I’ve felt it many times. So I never want anyone else to go through that.
I believe that if we let go of our stereotypes we would all be in a better place. How can anyone think you can get a general characteristic/belief about a segment of the population? I can’t find a characteristic that most of my family shares let alone a belief. Just doesn’t make sense to me. We’re humans, with thoughts, feelings, hearts. We all have a purpose and people deserve the opportunity to fulfill their purpose.  Let’s live like people matter because we all do. I’m not more important than anyone else, really I’m not important at all.

I believe one should never make decisions when they are hungry or tired or angry. Those decisions are typically made with an unclear mind. I personally do not make rash decisions, I am a thinker because making rash decisions do not end well for me. I can’t articulate what I mean or want very well.
I believe in giving not just money but time to others. I can’t imagine spending my Monday nights anywhere else other than at STC. I’ve seen changes in kids there because someone else shows them love. Listens to them, really listens and is interested in what is actually happening in their life.
I believe in pulling people closer to us. I think in general people mean well. I’m a believer in that the world is full of great people who do not get the attention that the bad people get. Today though, if I’m honest, I’ve reached a point where I wonder where the line in pulling closer and taking a step back is located. When pulling closer means I’m giving 95% of myself. When my heart feels stretched, vulnerable and bruised. Pulling closer means I take the risk. Means holding on and believing that in the end it will work out. Pulling closer means in the end my love might not be reciprocated but I’ve done what my heart says is right. I’m more sensitive than others, I love hard and deep, and I can easily take on the emotions of those around me. At 28 I’m learning to control that.

I believe I have a good heart, that I’m worthy, that I’m a good friend, that I deserve to be pursued by those around me. The simplest of actions can mean the world to a person.

Lastly, I believe this life is inherently good. It’s messy (I think I’ve said that before) but I believe it’s good. Today I’m looking for that silver lining, that sign that says keep pulling closer this is what your heart is made for. Hearts heal, and truly I want to be remembered for loving and making people feel loved, wanted and important. Because really, that’s what everyone needs.

Moment of Clarity

Ever just wake up and realize things you prayed for specifically are in your life. They are right there and have been there for a while. The problem is I’ve been to focus on what wasn’t there and carefully trying to move in the right direction & to the next thing that I’ve ignored the answered prayers. Shame on me. I’ve grown up knowing to pray for things. I’ve known God answers prayers but there was a difference for me in God answering prayers and actually believing my prayers would be answered. Praying specifically for things that I want and praying with those things that God’s will would be done. I’ve made that connection lately. I’ve been more specific and I’ve tried (& failed) to be honest/open in my prayers.

Being on a work trip has opened my eyes to what all God has provided and the prayers he has answered in my life. One thing I specifically prayed about was the type of guy I wanted in my life. He’ll probably never read so I feel safe in writing. I prayed and continue to pray for my boyfriend. I prayed that God would bring someone in my life who builds me up, who cares for me. I prayed for a man who would lead a household. I’m capable of taking care of myself but I won’t lie I’ve always wanted someone who wanted to care for me. I’ll always give 110% and I need to be filled back up sometimes.

It took this trip, being gone just 4 days for me to remember what I have at home for me. I have that guy who cares immensely about my safety, about my well-being, and me. One that I wanted to call every time I was being torn-down, or when something great happened. I wanted to share my experience with but one that I want to get back to Kentucky to hug.

I have a life. A good life. It took me sitting in my hotel bathroom this morning just crying because I was being torn down by people whose opinion doesn’t matter to me & for me to remember whose opinion does matter. I remember who I belong to. I remember that I have a life that I prayed for. I belong to an amazing God who answers my prayers. I have an amazing man in my life. I have great friends & family. I’m guilty of sometimes tearing down instead of building up. I’ve been greedy and questioning. I had jealous moments. Those moments are evident to me but I’m changing. I’m doing the hard work, I’m doing the heart work, and I’m being honest with myself. I’m more at peace that I’ve ever been and I’m accepting my flaws but the people in my life make me want to be better.

I do not know what our future holds and for once I’m ok with that. I’m enjoying the present moments I have with my babe, I’m enjoying the laughs and the journey because these moments are the one’s I’ll remember.

Things won’t always be easy but I know they’re worth it. I just want to be present for it all. These people make it worth it.

In the words of Jay Z “Thank God for granting me this moment of clarity. This moment of honesty”