Moment of Clarity

Ever just wake up and realize things you prayed for specifically are in your life. They are right there and have been there for a while. The problem is I’ve been to focus on what wasn’t there and carefully trying to move in the right direction & to the next thing that I’ve ignored the answered prayers. Shame on me. I’ve grown up knowing to pray for things. I’ve known God answers prayers but there was a difference for me in God answering prayers and actually believing my prayers would be answered. Praying specifically for things that I want and praying with those things that God’s will would be done. I’ve made that connection lately. I’ve been more specific and I’ve tried (& failed) to be honest/open in my prayers.

Being on a work trip has opened my eyes to what all God has provided and the prayers he has answered in my life. One thing I specifically prayed about was the type of guy I wanted in my life. He’ll probably never read so I feel safe in writing. I prayed and continue to pray for my boyfriend. I prayed that God would bring someone in my life who builds me up, who cares for me. I prayed for a man who would lead a household. I’m capable of taking care of myself but I won’t lie I’ve always wanted someone who wanted to care for me. I’ll always give 110% and I need to be filled back up sometimes.

It took this trip, being gone just 4 days for me to remember what I have at home for me. I have that guy who cares immensely about my safety, about my well-being, and me. One that I wanted to call every time I was being torn-down, or when something great happened. I wanted to share my experience with but one that I want to get back to Kentucky to hug.

I have a life. A good life. It took me sitting in my hotel bathroom this morning just crying because I was being torn down by people whose opinion doesn’t matter to me & for me to remember whose opinion does matter. I remember who I belong to. I remember that I have a life that I prayed for. I belong to an amazing God who answers my prayers. I have an amazing man in my life. I have great friends & family. I’m guilty of sometimes tearing down instead of building up. I’ve been greedy and questioning. I had jealous moments. Those moments are evident to me but I’m changing. I’m doing the hard work, I’m doing the heart work, and I’m being honest with myself. I’m more at peace that I’ve ever been and I’m accepting my flaws but the people in my life make me want to be better.

I do not know what our future holds and for once I’m ok with that. I’m enjoying the present moments I have with my babe, I’m enjoying the laughs and the journey because these moments are the one’s I’ll remember.

Things won’t always be easy but I know they’re worth it. I just want to be present for it all. These people make it worth it.

In the words of Jay Z “Thank God for granting me this moment of clarity. This moment of honesty”

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