Sometimes I get retrospective when holidays roll around, tis the season. This week, I had a little free time in my hotel room, which is usually a dangerous thing. I started thinking about 2014. What I’ve learned, where I’ve failed, where I’ve succeeded. Disclaimer, I’ll always be harder on myself than anyone else will ever be. I realized just how much I let fear control some of my relationships for 20 plus years. I was legitimately scared of people leaving my life. For a long time I didn’t believe I was worth good things happening. I’m blessed (beyond what I deserve) to have friends who over the years have quietly fought those fears and beliefs for me. This past year I welcomed a man into my life who beyond my understanding and without him knowing helped me realize just how ridiculous these fears have become. I’m thankful for his mom and cousin whose faith in me sometimes surpassed my own. I’m thankful for 10 life-group girls who consistently share in my struggles and push me towards God. I’m a full believer in God bringing people in our lives for specific purposes. There is no doubt the people He brought in my life this year have built me up and reminded me of the good. I posted this Shauna Niequist quote yesterday and it’s perfect. “Life sneaks up on us every once in a while and gives us something we didn’t ever know we wanted, and lights within us a love we didn’t even know existed.” I can honestly say I didn’t know I could ever feel this way, love this deep or be this free. Never doubt what believing you truly belong can do for a person.
I’m happier than I’ve ever been, I’m proud that I decided to take a step and see a counselor so that I could start to overcome the fears I have in my life, I’ve been kinder to myself, I’ve fully opened my heart, I’ve allowed myself to feel loved. 2014 will be a year that I cherish. I want to keep the positive vibes and growth flowing into 2015.
Here’s what I want to practice:
1. Listening – I really want to hear people. Not assume what they mean, not worry about what I’m going to say back but really listen to what they’re saying.
2. Patience – A friend called me patient the other day and I scoffed. I feel far from it most days. I feel like I waited a long time, years actually, for Chris that I get impatient easily. I don’t enjoy the moments as much because I’m impatiently waiting for the next big thing, that’s the trap I am working actively to avoid. Everyday life is the big thing. Every date, kiss and hug are moments I want. I want to practice patience, actively with him and in all my relationships, even myself.
3. Gratitude – I can be ugly at times. I can be demanding and I can forget all the great things I have in my life. I saw this on Pinterest the other day and am working on creating my own Gratitude Wheel. I have so many things in my life that I didn’t even ask for, so many blessings that I couldn’t have imagined. I should be more grateful. I think we are more apt to see blessings when we are grateful for all we have and even for things we do not have.
4. Understanding – I think this goes along with listening. I want to understand more about what the people in my life are going through. I want to be kind. I want to support the people around me fully. I want to build them up. I want to remind them of the light I see when they forget.
Lastly, same as in previous years I want to start where I am and just try. I’m going to fail but I won’t quit. I’m too stubborn for that 🙂
I’m starting my 2015 goals a little early. I’m starting now. Hold me accountable?