When I Uncomplicate Things…

“May we learn to accept that there isn’t always a why, a how, or a lesson. But there is always Jesus. And there is always love.” Emily P. Freeman

What I’m learning is that everything doesn’t have to have an answer. Sometimes, things just don’t work out and it’s ok. Yes I want answers, I want closure. I don’t like being 28 and so confused. The difference in the confusion I have now than rather than when I was 25 and in this same position is how I’m handling this heartbreak/change. I’m choosing hope and love, not to be bitter and broken. I’m choosing love over and over and over. There is nothing so bad about this that it’s worth bitterness or anger. I can’t help but be GRATEFUL and thankful for this experience. It is rare that a person can say they loved, and loved the experience and enjoyed the journey. That they are actually better than when they began. I’m not torn down, I’m built up. Maybe that was the purpose but I won’t speculate. While I wish things ended differently, I’m making the best and counting it all joy that now I have another great friend.

I have a feeling that God is pulling me along, now that I’m willing. He is saying Misty this isn’t all I have for you, let’s go!

I’m want to live palms up, releasing what I can’t change. You know what I can do: I can love openly, I can keep my walls down, I can make my own rules. I don’t have to complicate things, I can let things be and live simply. When people tell me it won’t work, that I can’t stay friends with people … I choose to prove them wrong. This is how I want to live my life. This gratitude isn’t fake. I know that’s what some people think but it’s not. I feel this new way of living is what works best for me. Jon Weece put it best when he says “Live such a life of joy and hope in a world of sadness and despair.

I’m going to challenge you to something. What I’ve found is when I’m sitting in my own thoughts usually God puts someone else on my heart. I sit and think and pray for them. If I feel led I send them an encouraging message. We never know what others are going through truly, we might never know why they’re on our heart but just follow that lead. You’ll never regret building someone up, ever. Don’t expect a return. Do it because it’s right and shows love. You’ll never know what it could mean to someone.

I’m honing in on what my life is going to be built around, I’ve discussed my sweet spot (STC) but I want my life to revolve around certain principles. I want to have an open house, a safe place, a community. I want my words, my expression, my actions to have such a kindness and love that no one will question it. I want a chance to have a family (i have this deep desire to be a wife and a mother), that’s a dream I have that I’m actively praying for in the next couple years but I’m learning God might not have the same plans, let’s hope he does though 🙂 I basically want to trust in God’s plan and live with open palms. I want people to feel comfortable coming to me and resting.

Release. Rest. Build up.

Love

Advertisements

When We’re Grateful, Even When Things Aren’t Perfect

Can gratefulness and sadness exist in the same realm? In the same heart, at the same time? I find myself asking these questions. On days when I don’t trust my feelings, when my heart is stretched beyond belief, when I HAVE to actively choose to be graceful towards myself and others when that normally comes naturally….I wonder, can I be grateful but still sad? I think the answer is yes. I believe the gratefulness lessens the sadness. It makes it better. Remembering the positive and not the bad. It’s a better way to live. It’s a courageous way to live.

You know what makes me smile? God is with us in hard times, when things don’t go the way we perceived or wished. I re-read my prayer journal last night and WHOA God has been answering my prayers I just didn’t see it. I was specific in my prayer but I also said more than anything please let your will be done. So I must believe this is his will and he is pouring out lavishly on my life. How wonderful is that reminder? His mercies are new, everyday. God is in the business of loving us. Through good and bad. So I’m brushing myself off, saying thank you for the experience, being grateful for people who pour into me, and realizing just how wonderful it all can be. When you can honestly say I’m better now than I was before, why let sadness be your main emotion? We are in charge of our lives and we make our own rules by how we live. we can choose to live by what everyone tells us is right or we can live with love and how we feel in our heart is right. I’m choosing to make my own rules. I’m not looking to be an exception but I feel lately that my heart says to love and to support people with love. I won’t regret it. I live with my choices, I live with my decisions and I’m proud of the people who are in my life.

This year has already proved to be such a growing year. I fully believe 2015 is going to be the best year yet. I am not searching for my purpose, I’ve found my sweet spot and where I want to serve in church. (If you live in Lexington, check out Serve the City) I want to put my heart in God’s hands this year, that is not something I have ever committed to before. When you have people you respect tell you they’ve seen amazing changes in your life over the past 6 months you can’t help but want to continue, and be humble enough to admit those changes should have happened long ago. I want to grow more into this woman I’m finding myself become. One that is gracious and humble and meek and free. One that laughs and smiles more than she cries and frowns. One that is able to see just how special she is and believes she was created for a purpose. My wish in my life is that people say I left them better than I found them, not because of me but because I showed them love. I want people to say I was kind and that I had an impact. If those things are said I believe I lived the life God wanted me to.

I find that writing all this out helps me reign in my thoughts. Helps me set plans and goals. Helps me remember just what I’m looking at. It is cathartic. Because sometimes I get so wrapped up in the wrong I’m like “oh I need to write about it” but I sit down get two sentences in and realize that I should be writing about what’s right. My hope is that I can inspire one person. Let’s together choose Faith over Fear and live this life out loud and together. Forgive easy and love hard. This life really is beautiful if you let it be.

Best

The Thing About Courage…

It’s isn’t always fun. It isn’t always rewarding in the way we want it to be. Because I’m choosing courage over fear that means I’m choosing vulnerability. I’m choosing openness. I’m choosing self-awareness. I’m choosing to open my heart everyday heartbreak.

I think I believed that when I started to realize my strongholds, my fears and my faults I would be able to conquer them. I mean I’m not a weak woman but I now know I’m a weak human being. What I realize is that courage is sometimes quiet. That it’s an everyday choice. Not just everyday but every hour. Some people won’t see the courage it takes to be honest and tell them how you feel. It’s not easy, it’s scary but at 28 I don’t have the time to not say I love you, or I miss you to the important people. It’s not the easiest to choose love everyday. Some days I want to be selfish. I want to show people how if feels to be walked on and made to feel like an option. When those moments of doubt/selfishness hit I remember what LE told me. For me to understand that even if I end up being an option in someone’s life, that even if my worst fears come true that I did my best if I’m showing God’s love and I can’t be faulted for that. That I can stand up for myself but continuously show love, grace, understanding.

While it’s so much easier to put up walls, to close your heart off because you fear your heart can’t handle another crack, another failed dream, another rejected application or you fear your prayer isn’t going to be answered in the way you selfishly want; putting up walls isn’t a great answer. For years I thought I lived with an open heart but I wasn’t. I hurt myself so much from 23-27 but not allowing myself to accept any type of love. I wasted time that God gave me.

So three days into this new year I’m evaluating the goals I set for myself and I’m still trying to listen, not to have a response but to just listen I think everyone needs that. To understand others more, not to fix but to just understand. I think one of the greatest ways we can show love is to try to understand someones position even when they’ve hurt us. I want to continue to live in the courage to be open and share my life. I’ve added be present to the list. Thanks to my Holly, I’ve realized that I worry so much about what’s next that I don’t think about what I have now. So 2015 is listening, understanding and being present. With a lot of courage and grace thrown in. Life is messy in its own beautiful way, love is scary but so worth it. The intimate work of friendships can bring a beauty and light to our life we didn’t know we were missing. So be courageous and let people in, you’ll be surprised by how many people walk forward instead of walking away when they see your flaws.