Today I read a Facebook post by Donald Miller “When you write today, humbly say the one thing you’re afraid to say. Your audience is more kind than you could possibly imagine.” That’s a big task. There’s quite a bit that I’m afraid to say out loud. I have worked for years to not have fear rule my life, I think most people work on this.
It made me think about what I’m afraid to say out loud and I think it’s perfect for this week. See I love love. I love seeing people happy and weddings and public expressions of love. Not fake internet love but genuine daily moments. So on to what I’m afraid to say …. I’m scared to never experience that, to never have someone love me back, to be single again for years. I joke often about being “old” and that at 28 my time is running out and I laugh about it but really I’m masking. (I suggest reading “Scary Close” by Donald Miller, it’s changing my ideas about relationships/life/myself and making me examine myself closely)
I find myself sitting in singleness and wondering what the future holds. I know I’m not supposed to question because I know who holds my future but I’ve also learned it’s ok to desire to not be single, to desire for someone to love me. I think this is a common thing for women (people) my age, we struggle with being single and desiring a relationship, any relationship and we often settle. It’s ok to desire companionship, but that shouldn’t be my focus. I’m learning I can love this life, and be happy while still desiring that relationship, husband, and family.
I want to encourage, even though I find it hard to encourage myself some days. But today, when I find myself frowning about tomorrow being Valentine’s Day I am choosing to remember that I’m loved, maybe not in the way I want but I’m loved. I am capable of loving myself, taking risks, and taking steps to see what and who is out there for me. Choose love, and live without walls. Maybe use this time to work on me and be the honest, caring, loving person I desire to be remembered as.
Happy Valentine’s Day my friends. You are loved.