Coming Home.

I have 3 full days left in Indianapolis. I am hoping that people do not take my smile and happiness to be moving home as a sign of me not being sad. I cried on Sunday night saying goodbye to one of people I grew close to in recent months. It was sad even knowing I am going to see her again. Today I said goodbye to one of my best friends for the past 6 years.

I even feel this great swelling cry coming on later this week. I just don’t want to start that on Tuesday. I want to celebrate my time here and think about the impact I made on people. It’s hard to be sad when I am moving on to something that I fully believe is big and good for me! I have big plans, bigger than I’ve even let on here. I fully believe that good things are coming. My heart isn’t scared anymore, there is always the unknown. But I’m tired of worrying about if it will happen or won’t. I can’t control if people like me or not. All I can do is continue to love and be me and accept the love people give me. Home to me isn’t about a structure, bricks, and mortar. It’s about a feeling, a love, a safeguard, a kindness, a forgiveness, an acceptance. It’s a place where no matter what I look like, what I’m wearing, or what I’ve done I’m loved. It’s a place where I can clear my mind and heart. A place where I can cry my tears and get back up and stand. A place where support is unwavering. A place where my ideas can grow, where my dreams are supported, and my faith is rebuilt. It’s a place where I feel arms wrapped around me all the time telling me I’m going to be ok and that they are proud of me. A place where I do not have to have life figured out fully, a place where I can take a journey and be told that’s a great idea. Its a place I know I’m welcome and a place where I know I’m wanted. And that’s a good thing to feel.

I started thinking about some of my favorite songs about home. Here are a couple:

Coming Home- Country Strong.

“It’s a four letter word. A place you go to heal your hurt. It’s an altar, it’s a shelter. One place you’re always welcome. A pink flamingo, double wide. One bedroom in a high rise. A mansion on a hill. Where the memories always will. Keep you company whenever you’re alone. After all of my running. I’m finally coming Home – the world tried to break me. I found a road to take me. Home – there ain’t nothing but a blue sky now. After all of my running, I’m finally coming… Home.”

Miranda Lambert- The House that Built Me

Blake Shelton/Michael Buble- Home

JohnnySwim- Home

Adele- Hometown Glory

Jake Owen- Every Reason I Go Back

What are some other suggestions?

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10 things for the weekend!

1. This week was the end of One Tree Hill. I’ve probably never followed a series as close as I have this one … ever. Well maybe Criminal Minds but watching the end of One Tree Hill was good. I was happy with the way they tied every thing up…also I was introduced to this song by Gavin DeGraw, which I’ll admit I wasn’t a huge fan of before. I like this new cd of his though.

2. I was introduced to this band Fun. by one of my favorite writers Shauna Niequist. I have been listening to them quite a bit this week and I am quickly becoming a fan. Not my usual type of music but I can’t stop listening.

3. I have had a very up and down week. For various reasons I found myself experiencing multiple emotions at the same time. It has its good and bad because it’s good to grow and learn but I hate the pain. But in the end I know it’s worth it. I know that God wants to create a wonderful life if I just let Him.

4. I also found in the past two months to catch up with some people from my past. It has been a very rewarding thing and I’m so appreciative of it.

To Ashley M. in the past we’ve known each other because of Casey but it’s been really good to see you and talk to you, quite a bit over this past month. Casey is lucky to have you in her life!

I also caught up with my former youth pastor Chris. I was reading his blog and came across this post. God looks good on you. I can honestly say it touched me so much. It had the wheels in my brain going a mile a minute and something clicked. All this time I’ve been focusing on the bad in me. What I need to change and I get so overwhelmed. What I should be focusing on is living in the same manner at Jesus did. To have a grace and love filled spirit. To show people through my actions. I think it is the greatest compliment to have someone say that God looks good on you. And it was good to have a new mindset for a change.

5. My goal for this weekend is to work on 501 project. I have 16 books to do a bibliography for…which does not sounds fun at all and it’s not but it’s got to get done.

6. Also, this week I realized I believe in Love more than ever. It’s a constant theme in my life. I had a pretty in-depth conversation with a friend about everything going on in my life and how I am finally just letting some things happen and not trying to control them.

7. Since the GRE is over I’ve been very much wasting some time, which is not good, on pinterest and finding the most exciting things to cook/bake! Like this, oh this, and this. The last one will be cupcakes for my friends birthday…this is always my birthday treat to her but this year they will be from scratch!

8. This week is my mother’s birthday, Tuesday to be exact, I got her a pretty sweet card I might say.

9. And I’m not really sure how I haven’t written about this yet BUT my wildcats, yes those Kentucky Wildcats are National Champions! It was probably one of the best nights of my life. I cried. I was happy. I was so proud of those boys. I can’t imagine how they feel. To have accomplished so much with a lot of people rooting against you because you are the favorite. AND to go through 3 teams they had already played this year was pretty fantastic. Now I’m just sad because there is no UK football or basketball to keep up with…and I live in Indiana (for 27 more days) so no horse racing…what to do with myself.

10. Well I don’t really have a 10th thing. So just have a wonderful weekend! Happy Easter to everyone!

Friday Review of the Week

I know I’m not the only one feeling this way but I am so glad this week is over with. Something about this snowy/icy weather makes for long weeks. I get the mid-week/winter depression and it hangs over me. I hate it. I feel all out of sorts and confused. Honestly, I broke last night. I just cried and it felt ok. Sometimes we have to let go of being so strong and just let it be. Yesterday was the loneliest I have felt in a while and it wasn’t good. But as with my resolution I’ve looked at today as a new day and that I’m going to make it through this ‘season.’ In the spectrum of time 3 1/2 months isn’t that long and I’ve made it through worse. Also, just like usual something comes along that reminds me of the important things. That it’s ok and its a continuous growth in life. As Joyce Meyers puts it “I’m not where I need to be but thank God I’m not where I used to be.”

This week hasn’t been all bad though. I’ve been searching Pinterest as usual and found lots of ideas I love. Many I will never have the time or money to complete but nevertheless I love them.

I pretty much picked out the bridesmaids dress I want to wear at my sisters wedding, yes another wedding I know. It’s very pretty and I can’t wait to try it on this weekend. I can’t wait to go home and get a hug from my pops and mom. All of my life I’ve taken for granted hugs and how important they are, and how a simple hug can just make everything right in the world. (well at least most hugs can, not those awkward hi which way do we go hugs, but real I care about you and make you feel safe hugs) I’ve missed them. I also realized this point last night. I miss affection in my life when I’m in this city. I don’t have the safe feeling. So basically I miss being hugged. And this is one of the reasons I can’t wait to get home this weekend!

I’ve recently discovered the Civil Wars and for King and Country. They both have been on constant repeat this week on my computer. I need music in my life while I’m studying. Otherwise I get distracted. I can sit at a Panera with my headphones in and get so much done. If I don’t have my music I will people watch all day long. This is probably my favorite song with The Civil Wars right now (it’s off the Hunger Games soundtrack, which I can’t wait to see this movie and it features Taylor Swift) … (notice the theme of safe and sound, it seems to be reoccuring in my life right now)

I also found a new blog I really like called Iowa Girl Eats … if you know me you know that me posting anything about Iowa is funny. I feel like I can relate to this blogger in a lot of ways and I find it enjoyable to read. She’s inspired me with her Friday Favorites.

And the recipe for the week comes from….who else the Pioneer Woman! Who has a show in Food Network now…I just can’t get enough of how much I respect this woman. She inspires me too.

Sorry I got on the tangent about hugs…sometimes that happens. I hope you have a fabulous weekend. I’m headed to the symphony for the first time on Saturday. I think I’ll enjoy it. If not at least now I’ll know!

Happy Weekend!

Jennifer Hudson

I was listening to some Alicia Keys early and went to youtube to check out a video and as usual I got distracted by their suggestions. I found this video which is a new song by Jennifer Hudson and I really really like it!